Love Before First Sight

Love starts in the womb even before you ever lay eyes on your child.   There is no denying life begins as soon as it's conceived.  Actually, one's life starts even before then:  "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you" (Jeremiah 1:5).

This is a letter written in a journal while I was pregnant with my firstborn.

January 9, 2008

Hi Baby,


{ CJ's 13-week ultrasound }

Mommy and Daddy had quite a scare on December 20th when our doctor called us with the results of the blood and nuchal translucency test (that's the special ultrasound where they take measurements between your neck and the placenta to check for any abnormalities).   Average likelihood of having a child with down sydrome or chromosomal defect for a woman my age is 1 in 450.  After the test, our results came back with 1 in 210 chance.  So we were left with two options:  do nothing or get an amnio to confirm any chromosomal defects.  But there are risks involved with amnio such as miscarriage and infection.

The news made Mom worry a lot (it didn't help the doctor called me at the office in the middle of the work day, so I couldn't exactly register what he was telling me).  You're not even born yet, and I'm already worried silly over you! 

After I got the news, I emailed a bunch of other mommy friends and got some good advice and lots of prayers.  Daddy and I spoke to the doctor again the next morning with our list of questions and what ifs.  Doctor reassured us our chances of having a perfectly healthy baby was still 99.95%, so we have to keep things in perspective.  That was reassuring.  Also, the measurements from the NT ultrasound came out normal.  So the results we received were based on Mommy's blood sample (maybe I ate something bad?).  Basically, bottom line is the tests are not very accurate.  Only amnio will tell us for sure.

Our doctor is really good, so we felt fairly at ease with whatever decision we made.  After Daddy and I talked, prayed, and thought it over, we decided not to get the amnio done.  We didn't want to put you in any kind of jeopardy- even as miniscule as it may be (you're way tooo important to us!).  And regardless of what the tests reveal, we would still bring you into this world with open, loving arms.

Dear precious baby, even though Mommy and Daddy have only seen you in glimpses of black & white, have never heard you utter a single sound or held you in our arms, we have already fallen deeply and madly in love with you.  And if you should be born with an ailment or handicap, you will still be created wonderfully just as God intended.  None of us are "perfect" (not even Mommy and Daddy as you'll soon find out).  But it's because of Christ that all my imperfections and yours become beautifully and magnificently transformed into everything that is perfect and right!  This is our greatest prayer for you:  that you will know this will all your heart, mind, and soul.

We can't wait to meet you this summer!  Mommy will be 17 weeks this Friday.  We're going to the doctor tomorrow for another appointment.  I can't wait to see how you're developing.  We already saw all your fingers and toes at the 13-week ultrasound.  It was amazing getting a glimpse of you.  Mommy and Daddy "ooh-ed" and "ahhh-ed" at the monitor the entire time.

See you soon, baby doll!

Ever in our thoughts and prayers,
Mom and Dad