A Mother's Calling

{ my beautiful calling }

I miss the point, and I miss it all the time.  I focus my time, energy, and emotions on things that mean so little when you look at the big picture of life.  I want things to be organized and orderly.  I want my home to be orderly, my kids, my day, my life.  I want it all put together, flawless, and simple.  And when things don't go that way, I lose it.  I get flustered, frustrated, and frantic.  Why don't things go the way I plan???

And when you have two boys - 2.5-years-old and 16-months-old - it NEVER goes as planned.  Meals I spend a good deal of time preparing get chucked on the floor, or someone poops again at the most inopportune time, or one wakes up due to night terrors while the other is restless from teething, or toys get dumped in the middle of a room that I just straightened out, or projects I want to work on get delayed because nap time is a bust.

I have asked myself several times this past month if this has been the right decision for me to stay home.  Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.   And yet, God has been good in gently reminding me this is what He has planned for me right now.  My most important calling is to nurture and raise my sons for the glory of the Lord.  If I neglect to do this but strive to do everything else well, then I believe I've missed the point.  I can pursue ministry opportunities and my passions, but if I neglect to nurture my children and love them well, then I have failed and not properly cared for what God has entrusted to me.

During a very hectic, stressful, and tiring day, I had this conversation with my 2.5-year-old while changing his diaper (yes, he really ought to be potty-trained):

Me:  Oh, CJ.  When are you going to start telling Mommy when you need to go pee-pee or poo-poo?  You're too big for diapers, and I'm tired of changing them!  [Frustrated and now thinking aloud]  When is Mommy's life going to get easier?  I guess life will never be easy until I get to heaven.  [Trying very hard not to inhale the fumes of the stinky diaper.]

CJ:  Mama, why you going to heaven?

Me: [Caught off-guard that he heard and understood me.  I smile.]  Because Jesus loves me.

CJ:  Mama, may I go to heaven, too?

Me: [Choked up and kissing him on forehead]  Of course, darling!  Jesus loves you and died for you, too!

In my frustration of trying to take care of every little thing, manage a hectic life and wishing for a simpler one, I often miss out on what God is doing.  I easily get caught up in trying to complete the to-do list and check off all the boxes.  But my most important calling is not to strive for a home that could be featured in Martha Stewart's magazine but rather to be a godly wife and mother.  I am to encourage, support, and love my husband well.  To nurture, raise, and ground our children in God's Word and His love.  And to be an example of a woman who loves the Lord and is kind, compassionate, and gracious.

Every day, the Lord gives me an opportunity to demonstrate the gospel and minister to my husband and my children.  I pray and pray the Holy Spirit would help me to do that well.  And that instead of a grumbling heart, He'd give me a grateful one.

O Lord, help me to be a Proverbs 31 woman.  Help me to love my husband well, provide instruction for our children, and to use the gifts You've given me for Your glory and honor.